Delete

Sometimes some people say they wish they could delete something, some experience, some thought, some one. Sometimes I wish I could too. But.

Unless there can be some kind of selective oblivion that could give me the option to keep the lesson learned from the to-delete issue, would there be a point in deleting it? What if deleting means that I'm back to square zero, having nothing to help me the next time I'm dealing with the same thing? And even worse... what if deleting means denying the part of me that endulged in that wrong decision?

One's life, sometimes, is like the life of a statue. Created bit by bit, by light and heavy strikes, maybe even some wrong ones. Think about it; you start with a huge piece of marble and end up with a statue with a soul. Even the ugliest one, even one that was just a study, it always means something. It was someone's inspiration, someone's bad mood, someone's mistake, someone's dream. 

Otherwise, it's like play-doh. You are just a pile of organic matter that used to be something and then it becomes something else and there is almost no memory of what there used to be there before. In the best case scenario, an experienced play-doh artist will be able to tell the material's fatigue and that's the end of it.

Sometimes I wish I had never fallen for you. I wish I could protect myself from your influence. But I know now that I don't want to. I love my feelings for you. I do. I am a proud drama queen. I am happy that I have fallen asleep feeling my heart beating strongly in your thought. I am proud to have experienced this heat wave that would climb up my chest and my throat when I was listening to your words. I am lucky to have felt this way. Just like the movies... I managed to get the leading part in my life's movie and I actually won a prize. 

And, ok, it's true that it would have been better if I could have my happily ever after ending as well, but, you see, the reason why fairytales always end when the adventure part is over, is because this was the good stuff. The important stuff. The part that includes all the magic and the beauty and this unrealistic feeling that for a while you become a super-hero and live above your ordinary world.

So, my dear self, why on earth do you try so hard to delete him? Just let him be and enjoy the ride...